Wedding Planning by Enneagram Type
Anyone in love with the Enneagram as much as I am?! Although it wasn’t as life-changing for me as learning my Meyers-Briggs personality, the Enneagram has been wildly helpful in understanding myself (Type 9!), my husband and friends, even strangers.
If you don’t now what I’m talking about - or haven’t taken the test - I highly recommend popping over to the Enneagram Coach’s website!
While talking with friends about their weddings and reflecting on my own, I realized that knowing the Enneagram would have been just as helpful during the planning process. It would’ve helped me know my pit falls, why I was responding to certain things, and how to love other people well in the process.
But hopefully it can help you! Below are all of the nine enneagram types with helpful tips on how to not lose your mind or all of your friends, too.
Each of these five tips are based off of Ian Morgan Cron’s book “Road Back to You.” He gets all of the credit for understanding each of these types on a deep level. I just took a few of his transformative tips and applied them to each type’s context while planning a wedding.
Hope they help!
Type 1:
Be careful to not be overly critical. You may have a loud inner critic in your head telling you everything wrong with a floral arrangement or dress, but be mindful with how you express your concerns.
Make sure to praise the people helping you often. You may get so sucked into your to do list that you forget to be appreciative of others.
Let others help you have fun and relax. You’ll be tempted to go into over drive with your to do list that you may forget to actually enjoy the process. Get a bridesmaid or family member to remind you (and maybe even force you!) to chill out every now and then.
Find something else to do outside of wedding planning for the sheer purpose of enjoying it. Take a pottery class or go for a run. Don’t let the wedding suck your life away.
Be aware that conflict will probably come up during wedding planning. Try to not get defensive. Listen to the other person carefully and respond gently.
Type 2:
Be up front with people when asking for help. Don’t hint at it. Be direct.
Set healthy boundaries while planning your wedding. Your friends may also be planning their wedding or have busy lives and ask for your help. Know your limits and boundaries and say “no” kindly when they cross the line.
If you feel resentment because someone is not meeting your expectations for your wedding, ask yourself why. To quote Ian Cron, “…look inwardly with kindness and ask, ‘What most needs attention in my life right now?’”
Spend time taking care of yourself! You might be tempted to take care of your bridesmaids or fiancee or stressed-out mom, but you need some love too. Take time to go for a walk or get your nails done.
Be mindful of overwhelming others with your wedding planning emotions. It’s completely normal - and expected - to talk to friends about your woes but don’t expect them to carry all of the weight for you.
Type 3:
Take time to be quiet. Sit in solitude and breathe. It’ll be easy for you to want to accomplish everything and feel productive, but if not balanced, it’ll only drive you into the ground.
Write down what you want your wedding to look like, not what your family or “persona” would dictate.
Ask yourself if any of your relationships are suffering because of your drive to create a gorgeous wedding. You might need to ask them!
Have a trusted friend who you can rely upon to be your “real self” and who will love you even if you break down.
Go on date nights with your fiancee and promise to not talk about any wedding planning.
Type 4:
Be careful to not get so sucked into your own wedding planning world that you forget about others. Schedule a coffee date with a friend and promise yourself to not bring up the wedding.
Don’t seek out drama or conflict with friends or family. It’ll most likely happen without your instigation.
Be intentional to point out the good in all of your bridal party!
Be mindful of comparing your wedding to someone else’s. It’s your unique day!
Don’t fantasize about your wedding day. There will be problems and not everything will turn out perfectly but that doesn’t mean it will be any less special or unique!
Type 5:
If your mom has all of the feels with your wedding day, try to feel them with her in the moment.
Don’t try to have all of the answers to how your wedding should look.
Spend time with a friend just for fun and don’t bring up any wedding planning while you’re together.
It’s OK to splurge a little on your wedding! Don’t succumb to a scarcity mentality.
Don’t withdraw from a conversation with your fiancee or bridesmaid because you don’t know the answers.
Type 6:
Allow yourself time to stop and be quiet. Type 6’s minds are constant, so give yourself some solitude to quiet your thinking.
Be OK if people compliment you on your wedding day choices! Don’t be wary or suspicious of their motives.
Don’t immediately reject someone’s ideas they may have for your wedding. Acknowledge the positives of it first.
Recognize what’s a legitimate fear and anxiety. Find an outlet to release that anxiety.
From Ian’s book: “Memorize and repeat Julian of Norwich’s beautiful prayer, ‘All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.’” This includes your wedding!
Type 7:
Pull yourself back! You don’t have to buy or do all the things for your wedding.
Be OK with solitude, especially during the anxiety-producing wedding planning.
Create a to do list so you can stay focused on one aspect of wedding planning at a time.
Make sure you don’t forget to exercise!
Don’t be afraid to commit to things while planning your wedding.
Type 8:
Give a bridesmaid or your fiancee permission to tell you to slow your roll and simmer down your passion. You might be tempted to steam roll everyone in the process, but allow others to tell you when you’re doing it.
Tell someone about any fears or emotions you may have about getting married. Don’t bury them or see yourself as weak for having them.
You may have a tendency to act impulsively, which could hurt bridesmaids and vendors. Remember to think before speaking.
If you get fired up while talking to your mom about bouquets, stop yourself and ask if you’re trying to hide another feeling. Is the argument really about flowers or something else?
During the inevitable conflict that happens during wedding planning, ask yourself often, ‘What if I’m wrong?’ Be willing to answer it honestly.
Type 9:
Don’t let other people dictate your wedding. Spend time figuring out what you want before making any compromises. Compromises are inevitable, but make sure you’re making them for the right reasons and not because you want to avoid conflict.
Find a to do list or task management system to stay on track while planning your wedding. If it’s stressful, you may find yourself ignoring all of the details!
Be willing to say “no” if someone shoves something on you for your wedding. It’s OK to not only have your own opinions, but to also express them.
Identify any coping mechanisms you may have to avoid conflict, such as being passive aggressive or mindless Pinterest scrolling. If you feel yourself wanting to numb out, ask yourself why.
Don’t be afraid to engage in conflict with other people. Chances are it won’t be as big of a deal as you think it is.
If you feel paralyzed by planning decisions, ask your fiancee or best friend to help you understand what you want.
