Success is obedience.

"Do one thing every day that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Oy. Ever since I heard this quote, it's stuck with me. This idea, well, scares me. I know the intention is to push you out of your comfort zone. To make you feel uncomfortable and thereby, grow as a person.

Still doesn't make me feel very warm and fuzzy.

I've honestly been afraid to write anything too personal on my blog. I'm afraid that it'll come out cheesy, inauthentic or preachy. I'm afraid the sentences won't connect and I won't be able to land my point. I'm afraid I'll be seen as whiny or weak.

For the last two years, my writing has been limited to third-person articles about other people. Nothing like a blog post. Here, there are no quotes breaking up the paragraph. No re-telling someone else's life story. Just pouring your heart into words and hoping it reaches someone. Anyone.

For me, starting Tabitha has been another one of my scary things. Putting out designs that I have no idea if anyone will like. Prepping for craft shows. Posting my work on social media. Reaching out to bloggers and shop owners that I feel are far more creative and successful than I will ever be. And, what has honestly been one of the most scary things: pushing myself in my work. A small tremble reverberates in me every time that I pick up a pencil to work on a new design. Or brainstorm a new product idea.

What if it doesn't work? What if I can't land this design home? What if I'm just fooling myself into thinking I could actually sell any of this to anyone? What if my vision of what I want Tabitha to become never happens?

I don't know the answer to any of these questions. All of this could end up a total failure. I don't know.

But worrying on the unknown never got anyone very far. So, when these questions pop up, I remember what I do know.

God is on his throne and is over all things.
God gave me a passion for handmade and social justice.
With that passion, I felt called to start this business.
And, God will do whatever he wants with his.

Fail or succeed, what is most important is that I'm obedient to God. 

My husband and I have been talking a lot about this idea. As a pastor, he regularly struggles with the question: "What is success in ministry?" Is it in how many people show up on a Sunday morning or Wednesday nights? Is it in the number of compliments you receive? Is it in how many baptisms or conversions you have? The answer is no to all of them. Because ultimately, this is all about Christ-exalting, not man-exalting. It's not my husband who causes these to happen. It's the Holy Spirit. My husband's job is to present the Gospel in the most compelling manner possible, love and serve others, then pray, pray, pray.

Success is obedience to God. 

And so, when those fears in me arise, when I want to quit or think this is crazy, I'm reminded of this truth. That this is God's business. It's not mine. And I'm just to keep walking forward until I feel him asking me to stop.